Posts Tagged 'Compassionate Communication'

Update: Free Empathy Call, Online Chat & Webcam Chat Details – Oct. 1&2

This is an update to my previous post. If you want to read the details of my personal experience with the call last year, check it out.

A globe brightly covered with the colorful flags of all nations and people that look like paper dolls standing in a circle around the globe holding hands. The 12 people are each a different shade of the rainbow, from red to purple.

Global Connection

However, if you simply want to learn the nitty-gritty of how to attend the call or one of the online events for the United Nation’s International Day of Nonviolence in honor of Gandhi’s birthday, here it is:

In case this was clear before, this is a FREE call. Twenty-four hours of continuous empathy are available to give, receive, or witness. If you would enjoy making a small donation in appreciation of our organizing efforts, we will happily accept, but the point of the call is to make it available to everyone (as someone said to me recently) “as a love offering.” That’s what it is! Free love! It’s priceless. <wink, wink>

Every two hours a different facilitator, or team of facilitators, will be hosting — bringing their own perspectives and experiences to the call. Note: For technical reasons the 24-hour period has been broken up into six (6) four-hour “sessions,” but you can call in (or leave) any time during any “session.”

The call STARTS Monday, Oct. 1 at 6:00 PM EDT

and

ENDS Tuesday, Oct. 2 at 6:00 PM EDT.

(If you’re not in the Eastern US, you can find out when the calls are in YOUR time zone using this time zone converter. If you are more visually oriented, here’s a map of the world’s time zones.)

You do need to register in order to get a call-in number and PIN. Find all the details and register here.

Secondly, the online chat is set up! It will go from noon – 2:00 PM US Eastern Daylight Time (9AM – 11AM PDT or 16:00-18:00 GMT). Click here to enter the chat room. Have questions about the chat? Contact me.

Thirdly, someone else has also now scheduled a face-to-face empathy by webcam for October 2, from 1:00 AM to 3:00 AM US Eastern Time (October 1 from 10 PM – 12 AM US PDT or 05:00-07:00 GMT). To register for empathy by webcam, enter your name and email address at http://www.PANinA.org/Empathy.

If you know someone who doesn’t have web access who would like to register for the calls, please contact me and I’ll get in touch with them by phone.

P.S. It just so happens that Marlena, my wonderful teacher, will be offering a new series of her classes in October. “Healing Listening, Healing Talk” is the name of her classes in Nonviolent Communication for people with disabilities and chronic illness. If you’d like info about the classes, contact me, and I’ll email it to you.

Hope to “see” you on a call or chat room!

– Sharon and Barnum, SD/SDiT who is sooo eager to work because we have not been doing enough training for his taste!

P.S. Yes, I will return to dog blogging again after this!

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UPDATE: A Call Changed My Life: Global Empathy Call Oct 1 & 2

This has been a busy and rather extraordinary week for me, and one which I hope will lead to something enjoyable — maybe even wondrous? — for you.

The Story Begins One Year Ago

Last year at this time I was consumed by grief over Gadget’s and Norm’s deaths as well as by the multiple other losses I’d experienced in close proximity: the loss of feeling safe in my home after a natural disaster; new functional limitations in every aspect of my life caused by Lyme disease; and the loss of several very important friendships. I was in a constant state of pained numbness. I was angry a LOT. Underscoring everything was my unrelenting self-loathing and self-judgments, which I didn’t even realize were there.

When I found out, via a friend who was also studying Nonviolent Communication (NVC), that there was a marathon global empathy call in honor of Gandhi’s birthday (October 2) and the UN International Day of Nonviolence, I was a little dubious. I didn’t get it — what would people DO? Would I have to interact with a bunch of strangers who would not “get” my life, with all its disability-related weirdness, loss, isolation, and complexity?

But the call was free, and I heard from some friends that it was really great, so I figured I had nothing to lose. I could call in and just see what it was like, and if I didn’t enjoy it, I’d just hang up. At first, I just listened. I was amazed at the courageous vulnerability of those seeking empathy and in awe of the skill — combined with a depth of compassion and empathy I’d never witnessed before — of the facilitators and participants who were so interested in supporting other participants, regardless of the topic or the person.

A globe brightly covered with the colorful flags of all nations and people that look like paper dolls standing in a circle around the globe holding hands. The 12 people are each a different shade of the rainbow, from red to purple.

Global Connection

I started calling in as often as I could, and each time I felt a stronger and stronger desire to request empathy, even though I felt very scared and nervous. I felt comfortable with my little knot of NVC students and teacher who also had chronic illnesses and disabilities, but this number of unknown, mysterious strangers on the line, what would they think of me? Maybe they would be as disgusted with me as I was with myself. After all, hadn’t the friends who left my life told me I was a selfish, horrible person, not worthy of attention? (That was what I believed back then; now I know that that is probably not at all what they thought.)

I Finally Spoke Up

Eventually, standing in the stream of empathy flowing around me, I wanted to drink of that water, too. I really felt like I would implode if I didn’t get some empathy. I made a request for time on the call. Having held in my grief for so long — years! — as soon as I started talking, overcome by anxiety and sadness, I just sobbed, all my grief just pouring out of me. It was hard even to talk.

Honestly, I don’t remember a lot of what I or others said. I remember a few words and phrases here and there, and certain names and voices. But mostly, what I was completely astonished to learn — and what I didn’t believe the first times people said it — was how much they were moved by my call, how much it had given to them, that my sharing my pain was a gift. I actually stopped someone to ask her “Why?” Because I couldn’t believe it. It happened to be Mair Alight (one of the organizers of last year’s call and now one of my NVC teachers) who answered me. I don’t remember what she said, but she was clearly speaking the truth. She was not being “nice” and lying or being pitying or patronizing. She was genuinely connecting with me, and that connection was nourishing to her. That shifted something large inside me. I always remembered her name and voice after that.

When I first started speaking (and crying), I was cringing, waiting for the silence of repulsion or the polite words of distance, letting me know that really, it was not appropriate to just sob on the phone to a bunch of people who don’t know you. But I got the opposite. I got love and tenderness. From strangers.

That was also the first time I had a chance for a communal grieving process for Gadget and Norm. I felt held and cared for like I never had been before. To experience such deep compassion from strangers around the world was transformative. I left the call raw and open and exhausted, but also with a sense of a heavy weight on my heart having been lifted just a bit. The wound of unattended grief that had been festering for two years was finally able to begin healing.

Hope

I don’t usually use language like this, but that call for me was a rebirth. It gave me all sorts of hope. Hope that I could have friendships and close connections with other people again. Hope that maybe there was good in me, that I had something to contribute to the world. Hope for things I can’t even define or name.

Several people expressed concern about my needing much more empathy than I was getting in daily life and suggested other free NVC phone classes and practice groups, which I scribbled down on bits of paper. With these leads, I threw myself into every NVC endeavor I was able to. For a while I had several embarrassing interactions where, when I met a new NVC person in a phone practice group, they would tell me they recognized me from the call. But they all seemed to view that as a positive thing, and more than one person told me that my call had been the one that had moved them the most or been one of the most meaningful.

The long-term effects of that call have been amazing — not just that one catharsis, but the connections to other people and groups have made me much more attuned to my and others’ feelings and much more aware of what my underlying needs are and how to fill them. One unexpected result is that I am a much happier person now, more compassionate toward myself and others, and much, much less angry. (Funny side note: I said to Betsy a couple of weeks ago that I realized I very rarely got angry anymore, and that now I was aware that I used to be angry constantly. I said, “Do I seem less angry to you?” And she widened her eyes and said, “Yes!” Nodding her head so emphatically that it was comical.)

I Have Come Full Circle

Ever since the call ended last year, I have been looking forward to this year’s. Last week I emailed Mair to ask her for details on this year’s event. She said it had not been planned; nobody had had the time and energy to take it on. However, she said, if I could help organize it, we could do it together.

I thought about it and decided I couldn’t NOT volunteer because otherwise the call wouldn’t happen, and I wanted it to happen so badly. I thought there would be a few of us organizing it, but nope! It’s just me and Mair, and people were referring to me as the “lead organizer”! How did that happen? I never dreamed I could or would be doing this, but the call is scheduled, facilitators are volunteering, and I very much hope you will join me!

You don’t have to know any NVC to attend and enjoy this event; all human beings are very welcome! (Of course, dogs are welcome to listen in, too.)

And because of my own disabilities and that of many of my friends, I have also added an online, all-text chat to the schedule, which I will be co-hosting. All are welcome to the online chat, just like the calls. You can do both!

Here are the details of the event: This is a free global empathy call that will span 24 hours, facilitated by teachers, practitioners, and enthusiasts of NVC. The intention of this call is to experience community through empathy. You can ask to receive empathy or offer to give empathy or just listen and witness the flow of empathy.

Every two hours a different facilitator, or team of facilitators, will be hosting — bringing their own perspectives and experiences to the call. Note: For technical reasons the 24-hour period has been broken up into six (6) four-hour “sessions,” but you can call in (or leave) any time during any “session.”

The call will START Monday, Oct. 1 at 6:00 PM EDT

and

END Tuesday, Oct. 2 at 6:00 PM EDT.

The timeline chosen means that in every part of the world, some of the call will occur on October 2, the United Nations International Day of Nonviolence and Gandhi’s birthday.

(If you’re not in the Eastern US, you can find out when the calls are in YOUR time zone using this time zone converter. If you are more visually oriented, here’s a map of the world’s time zones.)

Click here to register for the call!

Plus the Online Chat!

Of course, given my own intermittent speech disability and the many Deaf and hard of hearing people I’ve had in my life, I am aware that conference calls are not always the most accessible forum for everyone (although I have used relay in NVC classes and practice groups). I know of people who prefer text to spoken communication due to seizure disorders and autism, as well. So, I really wanted to have one “call” be online. I’m excited and nervous because I will be co-hosting, and I don’t yet know who will be my co-host(s), but here is the info:

A two-hour live online empathy chat

on Oct. 2, from 12:00-2:00 PM EDT.

(Again you can find out when the chat is in YOUR time zone using this time zone converter.)

You do not have to have a communication disability to attend the chat! We welcome anyone who would enjoy giving, receiving, or witnessing empathy in an online environment or who is just curious what it’s about. To join the chat, click here or go to http://us7.chatzy.com/76139319355482

Please spread the word about the calls and the chat!

**NEW: Another online option has been added! There will be a face-to-face empathy by webcam on October 1 from 10:00 PM to midnight PDT. To register, enter your name and email address at http://www.PANinA.org/Empathy.

Will You Join Me?

You do need to register for these events — that is how you get the call in number and PIN code for the calls (or the URL for the online events) — but you can drop in whenever you want, or decide not to go at all!

Please note that this is a free call. When it asks you for the amount you’re paying, just put in “0.” If you would like to make a donation up to $24 in appreciation of our work organizing this event, we would certainly appreciate it, but our deepest wish is for the presence and participation of everyone who wants to come!

When I took this project on, it was only with a desire for the event to happen. I knew I’d be using a lot of “spoons” on this that would leave little or no time for other activities, including training Barnum and the bits and pieces of writing and editing I’m trying to do for pay again.

Click here to learn more or register!*

* 1. If using the computer is difficult for you or for a friend who is interested, please contact me, and I will be delighted to register you or them!

* 2. If, for some reason, you have trouble registering (if you don’t get your call-in number and PIN), please contact me.

Getting the Word Out

In all honesty, I am trying everything I can think of to get the word out, and I don’t know if it’s having any effect, so I would appreciate it very, very much if you would post the link to this event on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Google+ and share with friends, etc.! Or reblog or retweet this blog post. Or tell someone in your life.

I very much hope this year’s Global Empathy Call will be as rewarding for all involved — hopefully including you — as last year’s was for me.

Love, Sharon (and Barnum, who does not understand the fascination of the black box on the overbed, the clicky thing in the lap, or the wire thing on the head that the sounds come from)

Signal Boost: Growing Compassion

Howdy!

I’ve posted before about how I’m study NVC (Nonviolent Communication, also known as Compassionate Communication) and how important it’s been for me. I actually see a lot of similarities in philosophy between clicker training and NVC, and I keep intending to write some posts on that topic, but I haven’t managed it yet.

Anyway, I got very involved in helping the organizer of an upcoming NVC telesummit, and now I’m really hoping some of my friends, readers, and others will want to attend because it looks like it will be an awesome event and it’s really fun to be on the phone with friends or people I know from online. It’s very accessible, too, for anyone who can use the phone (more about this at the bottom in my postscript).

For those who might want to participate in the calls — you do not have to know anything about NVC or have any experience with it. In fact, this is a great opportunity for people who haven’t studied NVC to learn from some of the most experienced and respected people in the field and get a large sampling of perspectives on a single topic: compassion.

BayNVC’s new telesummit is begining September 3rd. It’s called “Growing Compassion: Building on Interdependence.”

This month-long telesummit — available globally by telephone — will be led by 21 of the most exciting NVC trainers in the field. Each trainer will be sharing their wisdom of years of accumulated experience in compassionate communication and open-hearted connection.

Registration is open now. The Growing Compassion telesummit starts September 3. Not only will you be able to attend as many (or as few) calls as you want, but you will also receive recordings of all 20 calls! More information about this powerful and transformative event is below and here.

NEW BayNVC Telesummit – Registration Now Open!

Growing Compassion: Building on Interdependence

If you want to experience the spark of global community forged by shared learning and compassion, join us!

Program Highlights

  • Opening Call: Practices for Opening our Hearts. BayNVC founder Miki Kashtan will offer  tips based on her decades of study and work with thousands of people.
  • 9/11 “Enemy Image” Call: During conflict, we often lose connection with the other person and see them only as a villain. Lisa Montana shows how the Enemy Image Process offers a simple way to defuse this dynamic, get support, and open the door to solutions that meet everybody’s needs.
  • Zen Wisdom for Naturalizing your Practice: Are you interested in ways to actually practice NVC out in the world, with natural language? Coming from his perspective of Zen Buddhism, Jesse Wiens answers the question, “How can I get off the cushion and out into the world and make a difference?”
  • Calls offered in French, Spanish, and Hebrew – open to ALL. Marshall Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, says about empathy, “It’s not the words!” Practice “wordless empathy” by experiencing the humanity of a person who speaks a different language than you do. Experience a heart-to-heart, personal connection which transcends words!

Dates and Times

All calls take place Monday through Friday, Noon to 1 PM Pacific Time (3 PM to 4 PM Eastern Time). Schedule of dates and trainers below. After registration, your call-in number, PIN, and further details about each call will be emailed to you!

Schedule: Presenters and Topics

Week 1 (September 3-7)

  • Monday: Miki Kashtan – Practices for Opening our hearts
  • Tuesday: Jesse Wiens – Out of the Workshop and into the World: Zen wisdom for “naturalizing” your NVC practice
  • Wednesday: Alan Seid – Supporting Compassionate Actions of Social Change Agents : Sharing tools, skills, and coaching for maximizing positive impact in our world.
  • Thursday: Meganwind Eoyang – Transforming Self Judgments
  • Friday: Catherine Cadden – Empathy First Responder

Week 2 (September 10-14)

  • Monday: Carol Chase – Compassion in the Face of Adversity
  • Tuesday: Lisa Montana – Enemy Image Process
  • Wednesday: Nancy Kahn – A Commitment to Self-Compassion in Our Social Justice Work Across Race, Class and Ethnicity Divides
  • Thursday: Arnina Kashtan – Falling in Love with My Judgments: Why I cherish judgments and how they teach me true compassion towards myself and others
  • Friday: Myra Walden (in Spanish) – Cariño a Mí Mismo: Calidez hacia Los Demás (Increasing Self-Love: Warmth towards Others)

Week 3 (September 17-21)

  • Monday: Mitsiko Miller (in French) – Communiquer de Coeur à Coeur avec Nos Enfants (Communicating Heart-to-Heart with Our Children)
  • Tuesday: Newt Bailey – The Compassion Switch: Finding and flipping on the compassion switch
  • Wednesday: Bob Wentworth – Finding Tenderness For What You Can’t Stand About Yourself
  • Thursday: Roxy Manning – Authentic Dialogues: Growing compassion across sociocultural differences
  • Friday: Aya Caspi (in Hebrew) – Meeting the challenge of opening our hearts to our loved ones (including self)

Week 4 (September 24-28)

  • Monday: Kate Raffin – Flowers, Tears, and Lightbulbs: Balancing my yearning to grow with acceptance of who I am right now
  • Tuesday: Selene Aitken – Your Adult Children and You: The dance of connection
  • Wednesday: Mair Alight – Self-Empathy Core Competency- Practicing with  Wisdom Circles
  • Thursday: Roberta Wall – Growing Compassion at the Checkpoints between Israel and Palestine: Empowerment or Submission?
  • Friday: Inbal Kashtan & Kathy Simon – Truth and Dare: Nurturing authentic, courageous relationships.

Join Us in Co-Creating World Peace through Compassion


Cost:
This is a continuing effort to financially support BayNVC. Requested contribution: $60 (includes recordings of all calls). If you are living in the Global South or your financial circumstances preclude your participation, please email Mair Alight so that you can be included in this event.

– Sharon and Barnum, SD/SDiT

P.S. About various access issues:

I attended a much more intensive telesummit in July that was life-changing. I was so grateful I was able to attend 17 calls (!!) even though I was very sick. The trainers and most of the participants, too, were totally accepting and inclusive around my disability issues. For the previous teleconference when I was experiencing spasmodic dysphonia, sometimes I used TTY relay, sometimes speech-to-speech relay, and sometimes people understood me well enough without relay. I loved the diversity of the people and topics under a unifying theme. I felt accepted and my disabilities were treated as normal, overall. Some of my friends from my chronic illness/disability NVC classes attended, too. (Because it’s a teleconference, I think this event is not accessible to people who are D/deaf.)

If you have difficulty attending events or classes in the flesh, due to your disabilities, location, or schedule, doing them by phone can be great. Also, it’s just an hour a day, which I find much easier than something long (which tends to drain me). Plus, you can go to as many or as few as you’d like, and you can listen to whichever of them afterward as often as you like, whether you attend or not. Also, there’s usually a pretty good mix of listening and participating, though nobody is ever forced to do anything, and my experience is one of a great deal of acceptance of whatever you’re feeling or needing.

There is also a commitment to financial access. The requested contribution (this is a fundraiser for BayNVC — many trainers are donating their time) is $60, which is for 20 calls and the recordings of all the calls. That is a pretty amazing bargain — $3 per call, not including the recordings. HOWEVER, I know many people with disabilities are struggling to get by and simply do not have $60. So, if you’ve read the info above and are thinking, “This sounds really amazing. I so wish I could go, but I don’t have $60,” please email the organizer, Mair at Mair@baynvc.org and ask her if you could attend for a contribution that you CAN afford (from $1-$59 sliding scale). She really wants it to be inclusive (and so do I, of course).

Would you like to help me out in my efforts to increase peace in the world? If so, I’d greatly appreciate any of the following actions on your part:

  • Sharing this post with friends, family, colleagues, and others who might want to learn about, or deepen, an NVC practice or learn about growing compassion.
  • Sharing this post or this link via social networking, including Twitter, Facebook, Google+, LinkedIn, etc., and encouraging friends and followers to register.
  • Gifting the telesummit to someone you believe would enjoy and benefit from it. Whether you can attend or not, you can give the gift of NVC to friends, colleagues, or loved ones by registering them for this event!

Details about the Growing Compassion telesummit are on the BayNVC website. It start soon — September 3 — so your help in getting the word out now is greatly appreciated!


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